End, and a Beginning

How do people do it?

These words rang in my head every single time I think about the fact that my life is going to change in just a few more days. I’ll be starting work in a law firm not too far away from home. I don’t know it it’s anxiety, fear or just normal human reaction to change that I’m feeling, but I’m learning to embrace it instead of running away from it.

If anything, it will probably be the dreadful 9-6 grind that puts me off, and I pray that the ability to adapt to it will come sooner rather than later. I love my freedom, let’s put it this way. And having it taken away from me so soon, by circumstances that were beyond my control, thinking about it still pisses me off sometimes, but what’s done is done.

My mind tends to feed on these emotions by playing scenarios in my head; things I’ll never get to do, things I’ll never find the time to do, or things I won’t dedicate my already limited free time to do. It is tortorous and it is negative. Of that, I know, but unfortunately there’s nothing thus far that my conscious mind can do about it.

I will dwell on my lost freedom. I will dwell on the fact that I can’t wake up at anytime I want and just laze around until the sun is above my head. I will dwell in the reality that I’m committed to a desk job.

Most of all, I will dwell on the cold hard truth that my time throughout my college years should have been the time I spent doing the things I needed to do, or had wanted to do, but had failed to pull through out of my own reserved nature and unwillingness to step beyond my comfort zone.

In this situation now, I’m left with nothing but the waves of time and circumstances to flow together with, bringing whatever it brings, taking whatever that’s given.

My mind may be blowing things out of proportion, and that a desk job may not be that bad after all. I’ll have to wait until the 1st to find out. Knowing myself, I probably am.

Things come and things go. Freedom, time, love, pain, happiness, suffering. Everything.

This has now come. And in time, this too shall pass.


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