End, and a Beginning

How do people do it?

These words rang in my head every single time I think about the fact that my life is going to change in just a few more days. I’ll be starting work in a law firm not too far away from home. I don’t know it it’s anxiety, fear or just normal human reaction to change that I’m feeling, but I’m learning to embrace it instead of running away from it.

If anything, it will probably be the dreadful 9-6 grind that puts me off, and I pray that the ability to adapt to it will come sooner rather than later. I love my freedom, let’s put it this way. And having it taken away from me so soon, by circumstances that were beyond my control, thinking about it still pisses me off sometimes, but what’s done is done.

My mind tends to feed on these emotions by playing scenarios in my head; things I’ll never get to do, things I’ll never find the time to do, or things I won’t dedicate my already limited free time to do. It is tortorous and it is negative. Of that, I know, but unfortunately there’s nothing thus far that my conscious mind can do about it.

I will dwell on my lost freedom. I will dwell on the fact that I can’t wake up at anytime I want and just laze around until the sun is above my head. I will dwell in the reality that I’m committed to a desk job.

Most of all, I will dwell on the cold hard truth that my time throughout my college years should have been the time I spent doing the things I needed to do, or had wanted to do, but had failed to pull through out of my own reserved nature and unwillingness to step beyond my comfort zone.

In this situation now, I’m left with nothing but the waves of time and circumstances to flow together with, bringing whatever it brings, taking whatever that’s given.

My mind may be blowing things out of proportion, and that a desk job may not be that bad after all. I’ll have to wait until the 1st to find out. Knowing myself, I probably am.

Things come and things go. Freedom, time, love, pain, happiness, suffering. Everything.

This has now come. And in time, this too shall pass.


I guess this is it. The pinnacle of my figmented imagination, the materialisation of my innermost projection of reality before me. I’ve finally reached the crossroads I equally yearned and dreaded throughout the years when I was still a college student. The step into the real life.

I’m not ready, and I doubt I’ll be anytime soon. Some things are just laid down in front of me without my express validation, and those are the obstacles I’ll have to put up with while I wait for my results. I don’t know what to expect from tomorrow’s interview, probably because a part of me wants to secure a job and have a stepping stone, while the other part of me doesn’t want to because I have yet to do my research regarding what I like to do, where, and how I’d like to do it. I know being picky is not a good trait to have when finding for a first job, but I still believe people have the right to choose which path they wish to traverse at the crossroads. Being picky is insisting that you drive a limo down a lane instead of walking. Not for me, I just wish to choose the path I walk, and I don’t mind walking on my way there.

The thing is, there’s still some things in my life which remain incomplete. Things which I’m worried I will no longer have the time nor the opportunity to attend to once my work begins. And this worries me. I really don’t know how this aspect of my life will turn out in the next 5 years, and I’m just hoping that it will eventually find its way because right now I’m just totally lost as to what I should or can do to help improve the situation.

Life goes on regardless, and I’ll just have to accept what comes and what doesn’t. Though sometimes the feeling is occasionally killing me, I’ve been living like this for all my life. What’s a few more years of waiting?


I hear some words being uttered, every now and then, one too many times. I started to think that it really loses its meaning once you know the reality behind things. I can’t speak for others, but I know the weight that is on those words because that’s just how it is. It’s easy to say something that you just know in reality, it doesn’t apply in totality. So what meaning do those words even have anymore when a week or a month down the line things will go back to square one? What’s with all this pretentious bullshit?

Some things can be so obvious to the point of annoyance, and knowing there’s nothing you can do about it isn’t going to improve things. All I can say is, good luck with such an attitude, and I wish you all the best.

Day 5 – 7/8/2015

Cue micdrop.gif

So we’ve reached the end (for now). Evidence was…fine I guess? I was surprised to finish it on time, but then again I did leave one sub-question hanging. Now that all 5 papers are done with, I can finally slip back to my zone and work my way out from there.

If not a tiring 9 months, and if not even a tiring study break since June 28, it was definitely a soul-sucking, heart-wrenching, balls-dropping, table-flipping 2 weeks. I would do almost anything to not go through it ever again.

My CLP is done with. Damn. That’s not something I thought I’d be able to say 5 years ago. But we all know the wonders of space and time, and what they can do. And it excites me, at the same time scares me, what the next 5 years would bring to my life. I’m learning not to let these thoughts dissuade me off any newfound paths in fear of what may come, but yea, I’m still learning. I’m not there yet. If there’s a time to learn to start taking leaps, it’s now and onward.

I’m feeling happy and so tired at the same time I can’t even process them. It’s already 6 and we have a huuggee dinner party at 7, so I guess I better get my ass moving.


It’s alright. The sting came back momentarily, but reality washed it away. I will no longer be tied down like a prisoner in balls and chains to your facade. That is a promise I made to myself.

A promise I will never break.

Day 4.99999 – 11pm 6/8/15

I am excited as holy shit.

Jokes aside, I thought I’d face a problem remembering my cases and principles for PP. But that’s until I read some Evidence Law today, and I came to realise how utterly disgusting Evidence it.

But I tell myself, I can’t really be affected too much anymore. If anything, it’ll be the 2nd paper I might screw up, next to Civil Procedure. So hey, the outcome is still unpredictable either way.

Just gonna do my best, and then…


Day 4 – 5/8/2015

I have no comments at all for today’s paper. It’s Professional Practice, so I’ll leave that as it is.

(Just kidding. As much as I want to preserve and bitter-sweet memories about this paper, it’s late already and I kinda slacked off a bit with my free time after coming back home from the exam today. I’ll probably fill in the blanks tomorrow when I feel like it. Can’t study non-stop anyway.)

EDIT 12/8/15 – I really screwed up one question on ethics, which was about the admission of foreign lawyers. I knew I shouldn’t have done that question, but I was equally not confident about answering the other 2. Oh well, what’s done is done.

As I expected for Probate, the question would only touch upon ONE single sub-topic, which from my notes, is only one and a half pages long. Mutual wills. Goddammit, every other knowledge I had on Probate became utterly pointless the moment I saw the question focused on mutual wills. I literally laughed when I flipped the question paper over. Silently, but I did. It was absurd.

Land law was…eh…decent? I expected 340 to be missing and HD in its place, so I was going ‘sai lang’ on the charge and covenant topics. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t easy as well.

My only fear is that stoopid ethics question which I shouldn’t have done. I was really contemplating between that and other questions, and I chose wrongly this time. Just hoping it won’t come back and haunt me later on.


Something more relevant for me to talk about is the fact that there is one more paper to go! It’s almost midnight and I have done nothing at all to revise Evidence. Kinda regretting it a little bit, but I’ll do what I have to do tomorrow, ie another solid 10-12 hours of pouring over the evidence text book and writing out notes.

It feels like shit, but this will be the last time I’m doing this (at least for the current exams, not taking into consideration any possible re-sits). Praying upon my lucky stars that Evidence would be a better subject to cram in one day. Since PP just passed, I’m pretty positive anything else would feel better than this damned subject.

Here’s to the final countdown.