Get Over It.

Hottest news of the day: Tiffany is in a relationship with Nickhun and Hyoyeon actually had a boyfriend for 2 years before recently breaking up!

And the entire Sone fandom went ape-shit like they did during Sooyoung and Yoona’s reveal.

Had it been years ago when I was way too deep in this fandom, I would cry, I would be heartbroken and I would curl myself up in a corner. I’m not saying it’s wrong for anyone to feel as such, but it’s high time we get practical (and real).

If deep down inside you’re sad and shocked, I don’t blame you. Just don’t take things too far and do ridiculous rubbish such as these:

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Just a note: TIFFANY is in a relationship with NICKHUN. Why in the flying magic carpet’s name is TAEYEON involved in this?

Stop. stop. STAHP. I feel like clawing my eyeballs out reading this load of…

Seriously, just stop. Please. They are idols, we are fans. When we say we love them, we don’t technically LOVE them like we would to a significant other. No matter how much you can deny it, we are all merely observers of their lives. Yea sure, we may be the ones that support them and bring them success. We may be the ones who have brought them up to where they are today. And we may be the ones that made their life worth living for. But in the end, their lives don’t belong to us. If we’re all to act like they owe us their ‘love’, then it’s high time for us to look ourselves in the mirror and re-evaluate how far we’re going with this K-Pop fandom.

I’ve been there, done that, and honestly I felt stupid about myself. It’s funny now every time I look back and read through the things I would say and the stupid things I would do, but like everything else, it’s time to move on. Not from the fandom, but from the delusions.

What do we mean when we say we support them? What do we really mean? Staying as 9 forever, and staying loyal to them? Fair enough. Topping the charts with their new albums? Check. Letting them know that Sones always got their backs, like what we did when Sooyoung got into an accident, or when Taeyeon got dragged of stage by that weird man years ago? We’ve done that too.

Spazzing over it is fine. Over-reacting is not.

But this, this nonsensical reaction we’re letting them see, splurging all over Taeyeon’s Instagram and all over Twitter…yea I’m pretty sure she and the others will have a good laugh reading those comments. Have you guys lost your minds? Not only that, on the other extreme, we have people leaving the fandom because of this. I’m not going to even start on this shit.

Call me insensitive, call me loads of bullshit, or even call me judgemental for dictating how other fans should behave, because in the end, I’m not trying to dictate anything. I’m saying that what a bunch of us are doing at the moment is adverse, detrimental and not contributing our so-called ‘love and support’ in any way.

Star Citizen

This is probably the least suitable time for me to talk about games, mainly because my finals are merely a month away, but I’ll proceed anyway. It’ll probably be a bore to hear me moan and groan about the exams, so what better than to have a change in the mood?

In short, I want to share with you guys a new discovery I made while randomly surfing the web. It is regarding a game called “Star Citizen”. To be honest, I cannot for the life of me remember how I managed to come across this indie game, but if I’m not mistaken, I got the news from /r/gaming. Gotta thank reddit for getting me into this mess.

What is interesting to note about this game, is that it is currently in pre-Alpha stage, and its development is purely supported by crowd-funding. As of today, there are no publishers involved in the production of the game, only the developers and us, the consumers.

I instantly got interested in this game because hell, it’s a Space Simulator. I’ve been looking for something new and fresh to play ever since EVE Online dominated the space warfare genre, and amazingly it is still dominating regardless of its monthly subscription model. So you can’t imagine how excited I was when I went through Star Citizen’s Kickstarter page here.

One thing I noted what the stupidly vast amount of information to take in regarding this game at first. Something along the lines of producing a next-gen Space Sim, and…wait a minute…space SIM? Not an MMO? And then there’s something about a single-player campaign called Squadron 42 and the multi-player persistent universe called Star Citizen. Player-driven economy, sandbox progression, ship insurances, organisations…the damn list goes on!

The plethora of information that I was reading made things seemed too good to be true. Everything that producer Chris Roberts aimed to achieve and deliver to players sounded like the perfect Space Sim any fan could ask for. I’ve had my experiences with Firefall, and learnt the hard way that sometimes developers don’t really mean what they said. And the devs in Firefall actually said this!

Hey, we didn’t promise anything from the beginning, circumstances change, objectives change, etc. etc. Well, screw you and your game. I regretted spending money in Firefall. To anyone reading this, I would advise you to stay away for now at least, until the game develops into something resembling what us closed beta testers were promised from the very beginning. Or to put it in other words, wait until the damn game is fully released before thinking of dedicating your time playing it. You wouldn’t know what features the devs would simply scrap away next.

Naturally, these would’ve made me very cautious and apprehensive regarding promises made so early in the game’s development process. I went to the game’s official website, the forums and also the Youtube channel and started scrounging any information I can get with regards to the game’s potential.

A few facts I have noted: firstly, the game has been in development since the end of 2012, with an aim to deliver the game in 2 years. Normally I would add 6 months to a year’s duration to that statement, because that’s how it normally is. This puts the game’s targeted release somewhere in 2015. Sounds good to me.

Crowd-funding is the main method currently supporting the development, with no publishers involved and minimal investors. To date, it has accumulated $41 million just from fans. Forty-one.freaking.million.dollars. If this doesn’t sky-rocket the expectations for this game, I don’t know what will. SC has received a lot of publicity, and is certainly under high pressure to deliver a ‘next-gen space sim’.

With regards to Kickstarter projects, the biggest worry is usually concerning the people behind the project just running away with the money. I too was skeptical about this, as $41 million is not a small amount. However, I discovered that Chris Roberts had developed several other space sims before this, namely Wing Commander, Freelancer and others, before deciding to take a long hiatus from PC game production. This is due to the gaming focus in the recent years being geared towards the newer consoles. Roberts aim is to make a huge comeback with the support of loyal PC fans to prove to the gaming industry that the PC will always remain the superior platform for gaming.

After much speculation, I believed that his objectives are genuine and that the progress of the game’s development since 2012 have been substantive, transparent, and honestly quite promising. Triple A titles like Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3 equally took some time to produce, and with the humongous scale that Star Citizen aims to achieve, I’d say its current progress is justified.

Before I knew it, I had ‘pledged’ myself a ship and have fallen amongst the community of followers, eagerly awaiting for news and updates. Nothing major about the game is set to be released any time soon, except for the new upcoming Module in the coming weeks. I was more than happy to support the creation of a game which I had been searching for a long time. If the game ends up being the game of the 21st century, then I’d have no regrets. Even if it fails to deliver everything it has promised, I have no doubts that it would still remain an awesome game. Besides, nothing major would ensue until after my exams in June, making the timing absolutely perfect.

I definitely would recommend any of you to check it out, and if you have at least $40 to spare, get yourself the cheapest ship inclusive with the Alpha/Beta test, along with other perks, and join in the wait for what could possibly be the most ground-breaking game in the coming years. Have a look at their official website which I had linked to above, and spend some time reading the forums and watching their frequent updates on Youtube if you’re interested to know more. You won’t regret it.

The Truth, and nothing but the Truth

Perhaps I may had spoken one too many words. The emotions and feelings that just keep pouring out at every opportunity they can get. But who am I to blame, when I myself had always been the gatekeeper between the inside world and the one outside. The pressure that builds up within is inevitable. It is just a matter of time.

Whatever the consequences may be, I couldn’t care less. These things no longer faze me as much as I thought it would. I’ve seen a lot, I’ve been through a lot, I thought I had enough. But enough is never truly enough. So long as I walk and talk and breathe, nothing escapes this facade of a life, a journey to ultimate paradise, or so they say.

Everything I said was merely the truth. The truth about my emotions, the truth about my judgements and the truth about the consequences that follows. I do admit, that a small portion of my statements were made truly out of spite, anger and disgust,  ultimately clouding the authenticity and the degree of seriousness of such purported words. But in essence, I said as such because I feel as such.

Continue reading

Change

If I was asked to sum up my 2013, there could be no other word than ‘change’. 2013 opened my eyes to more and more truths, things that happened which I thought were impossible, and also unfortunately, things that I had hoped for to occur, never came to existence.

I broke a promise to myself, not once, nor twice, but many times. The greatest anti-thesis of my self-motivation to make a difference is ironically this very being himself. It all began since January itself. I told myself I would always be actively involved in this fandom. I failed to carry that promise. I chose to completely forgo all my SNSD activities back in January, but for the greater good. I had to do it for my studies.

I promised myself I would use my time to its fullest and study hard for my exams. As happy as I was for my results, I know it was not my best. I failed myself yet again. Continue reading

Fear…The Greatest Enemy

“All those things about good girls going for bad guys are not true. Don’t believe them.” – a friend

Often I wonder to myself, where do my priorities lie when it comes to balancing between the many things that are inevitable at this point in time. Some things I chose to put aside, tucking them into a small corner, and just letting them rest there until the time is right to attend to them. But once in a while, it doesn’t hurt to just visit that corner, anticipating what is to come and what could be done.

Do I ever feel like I want someone to be there? I can’t imagine an answer other than a “Yes…of course.” The warmth of a human companion brings a comfort which remains unfounded elsewhere, but it’s an irony how I speak as though the feeling is not of a stranger to me. If there was an observer of my life, he would say, “What does someone like thee know of such feelings?”

And then comes the paradoxical scenario of a fresh graduate looking for an employment, only to be rejected for lack of experience. How will he gain experience without first having a job. A simple part-time employment at 7-Eleven isn’t going to bring anything to the table. A short-term prospect isn’t going to benefit any party but yourself, for the sheer joy of obtaining an income.

A short-term relationship, where the aim is just to seek that warmth longed for is not going to satisfy anyone but one’s self. Relationships stretch beyond that simple gratification, but…just but…

To some, it may not be a difficult choice; to pursue the desires of the mind, where education, career and self-integrity are put forward, or to pursue the desires of the human heart, which longs for love, compassion and care. To others, multi-tasking seems like second nature to them, and I salute you.

There is no point trying to be a good guy, or trying to be a bad guy. It plays no relevance in the bigger picture. It’s about your ability to live your life making the other person happy, and their’s to make yours.

And right now, my fear is that if I seek to satiate my heart’s desire, the cost would be the broken heart of another. Until I can rid myself of that fear…it’s not something I have the balls to face.